Humanity launches machines into space and lands robots on asteroids, but has not learned to talk about sex. And this is not surprising: the topic has been taboo for too long. Stereotypes, fears, prohibitions — all this has not gone anywhere and spoils the sex life of the new generation. Let's figure out how to relax in bed with a partner / partner to get the most out of it.
Where does discomfort come from
To understand how to relax and stop being shy, you need to understand the causes of intimate constraint. Usually the problem lies in the psychological nuances. Sexologists identify several main reasons leading to embarrassment.
- Injuries
This is not necessarily sexual abuse. Most often, the reason lies in the first unsuccessful experience, which was associated with strong painful sensations, humiliation. Memories of this forever can cause fear of any sexual act. So our psyche is protected from the repetition of such a situation.
- Incorrect sex education
Often, parents do not tell their growing children about what is happening in their body and how to behave correctly. Many suggest that the desire for intimacy with another person — it's something shameful. As a result, we get an aversion to sex that does not allow us to enjoy it. Therefore, during the transition period, it is so important to discuss sexual life with the child, select special literature, and discuss problems that may arise in the process. Absolute support from parents is equally important.
- Complexes
Complexes usually form at a young age. For example, if a person had a bad relationship with his parents, little love and affection, a lot of criticism and demands. This inevitably leads to complexes, insecurity of the child, which can be aggravated in the process of growth. On the other hand, complexes are formed under the influence of bad relationships with peers. Often the trigger is a husband or wife who practices an abusive relationship.
It is possible to overcome such problems if a relationship of complete mutual understanding develops with a partner. Both partners are confident in the tenderness, love of their half.
The lack of trust in everyday affairs has a negative impact on intimate life. At the same time, any flaws in the figure, appearance, including imaginary ones, can become the barrier that will become between people. A person is afraid of being rejected, closes. It is important to accept yourself as you are, stop being shy about showing your body.
- Pain during intimacy
The problem is not always in psychology. Sometimes it has an objective physical cause. It is important to immediately discuss such moments with a partner. Sometimes it is enough to change the posture, pace, to get rid of the discomfort. And if this does not help, it makes sense to consult a doctor. Because pain signals the possible presence of a disease: gynecological or urological.
The doctor will collect an anamnesis, send it for additional tests, and prescribe medication or surgical treatment. Such a reason is eliminated faster than psychological ones.
Ways to overcome shyness
There are several ways to help get rid of constraint, feel comfortable.
- Abstract from problems
It is important to learn to concentrate on your loved one, your feelings during intimacy. This will help overcome the tightness. You can not think about everyday things, work or study. Enter the rule: serious issues are not discussed in the bedroom. Only pleasant conversations about love and feelings.
- Explore your body
This can be done on your own and/or with a partner. There are many technologies that allow you to better reveal your sensuality, to achieve greater pleasure. Use them, look for new poses to bring joy to each other to the fullest. So you will understand what you want most of all, and what brings discomfort.
- Talk about sex
The key mistake of couples: intimate life is not discussed. People are silent about innermost fantasies, they do not say what brings the greatest pleasure, but what is perceived as undesirable. Try to break the silence and talk about what you like and what you would like to improve and how exactly. Then the issue of stiffness will go away.
It is important to be able to express your wishes. Sexologists sometimes advise the practice of watching erotic films together so that the couple can then discuss specific episodes. Confusion will be only at the very beginning, then there will be no trace of it. And with it, the feeling of embarrassment in bed will go away.
- Unleash your erotic fantasies
Everyone fantasizes about sex. Do not be shy about talking about what plots and situations you develop in your fantasies. This is a good way to diversify your sex life, stop feeling embarrassed, become desirable and confident. The ability to talk about your own fantasies allows you to harmoniously build relationships, feel happy in them.
- Go in for sports
Gym — a great place to start your journey to self-confidence. Firstly, physical activity helps to improve the body, increase its endurance and improve health. And this is extremely important for a full intimate life. Secondly, a new hobby allows you to raise self-esteem, feel better. Including because of the cocktail of hormones that are produced in our body.
We talked about universal methods that everyone is able to implement on their own. Now we focus on women's insecurity and the partner's ability to help get rid of it.
- Bring your partner to the boiling point
If we are talking about banal shyness, there is no need to rush. In the sinusoid of desire, there always comes a moment when even two shy people feel uncomfortable. If the flesh is hot, the eyes are burning, it will not work to stay away.
You can try to drive your partner crazy with a flurry of kisses, touches, words. But you can't take it as a heavy burden or a necessary evil that the situation forces you to do. A person will quickly feel that everything is being done not at will.
Enjoy every touch, watch the reaction and enhance the pleasant moments. If you know how to listen, sincerely join the process, and even a shy person will begin to take the initiative.
- Provide the right atmosphere
It is not necessary to put a million candles and fill the space with rose petals. It is important to provide basic comfort for intimacy, which includes privacy, convenience, mood.
Solitude assumes that you are alone in the apartment and no one will interfere with the process. Sometimes tightness occurs because parents or a brother are sleeping behind the wall. Therefore, a person tries not to make a sound, does not move too loudly so as not to disturb loved ones. If a man may not be disturbed by such a neighborhood, a girl usually reacts sharply to discomfort.
Convenience — it is a normal surface for sex, clean and comfortable. A mess is always distracting, and extraneous unpleasant odors can bring down a playful mood. All valuables, such as a condom, a towel, should be at hand.
It remains to be said about the mood. If one or both participants are too tired, nervous, do not want anything, it is better to rest and gain strength. And you need to start intimacy in a good mood.
- Give full control
An effective technique: when a shy girl realizes that all the power is in her fragile hands, an imp awakens in her. Just give carte blanche, blindfold yourself, offer to handcuff yourself.
- Use popular devices
Spread the foreplay over the day. To do this, you can start erotic conversations in messengers, not forgetting about vulgarities. Flirt shamelessly: share what you want to do with her in bed, like are going to bring to ecstasy, send a photo.
When communication has begun, you can ask what she would like to do with you in return. If you have succeeded in the messenger, in reality it will become much easier.
- Admire
Do everything to make a shy girl feel confident. Support any of her initiatives. And even better — admire her beauty, charm, courage.
Praise often hints that something was wrong up to this point. And admiration is much easier to accept and understand. Moreover, shyness often speaks of self-doubt. For insecure people, the word "well done" — rather a cause for argument than a pleasant compliment.
The difference is that praise focuses attention on a shy girl, while admiration — on the speaker and his perception. Shy people don't like to be the center of attention. By moving it, you allow them to enjoy admiration in a comfortable environment.
- Ignore failures
If a slip occurs, ignore it. It can destroy everything. The feeling that “something is wrong” with you kills arousal and desire for intimacy in the bud. If a girl has not been able to reach the final for an hour or is embarrassed to completely undress, you need to react neutrally.
If you get tired of doing something, you can ask for a little time to pause. While you rest, take care of kisses or hugs. If a girl refuses to take off her clothes, tell her that she will look great in stockings and underwear. But if that doesn't help, don't insist. Proximity does not worsen the presence of clothing. But you will avoid conflict, save your partner from pressure.
Visit an erotic massage session
Another great way to liberate — going to an erotic salon together or separately. For example, you buy a certificate for your partner and send it to have fun. The bottom line is that this practice helps to relieve psychological and physiological clamps.
We are easier to open up and voice our desires to a stranger than to a loved one. And experienced masseuses can tell you how easy it is to relax and achieve the right mood, help increase self-esteem, explore the body and get real pleasure without intimacy.
Erotic salons «EGOIST» receive guests in St. Petersburg 24/7. You can pick up a girl right on the site: all photos are real, with light retouching. Choose the program and bonuses in advance, discuss the features with the administrator. Get to know yourself with pleasure!
